Grumpy Day

If you're having an awesome day and just don't want to read some deranged woman's rant, stop reading right now. I won't hold it against you. You have been warned that I am just a grump today, and although this is rather long, I just need to get it off my chest. It's more for me than it is for you.

So, the day started bright and early at 5am for me. Today was the baby's specialist appointment, which is over an hour away. We tend to visit places that are within a 20-minute radius of our house, so while some people make a daily hour commute, an hour drive is pretty long for us.

Hubby had work last night, so he got a grand 3 hours of sleep. I got 4 hours of sleep, mainly due to my own fault since I forgot to go to bed. Oops. Anyway, We left the house 2 hours before her appointment time, and barely made it. Things weren't going so bad, until we met the baby's specialist.

I totally respect the guy, and he's obviously an expert in his field. I think the clinic is rated like...5th in the nation or something awesome like that. He's been through decades of schooling, has years of experience, and he probably makes more in an hour than we do in a month. But that doesn't give him the right to talk to us like dog doody.

In case you're clueless, we're having a problem with the baby's weight. She's failing to gain weight, and she's even starting to lose weight. We've been on top of this - her pediatrician is an awesome guy who's pulled out all the stops for her. We visit with a nutritionist, and we even have a home nurse coming out to weigh her. Basically, there's a small team of people working together to figure out what's going on, and this doctor is a new member of that team.

Anyway, back to the doctor. First, a very nice nurse and an excellent dietitian comes in and asks us a bunch of questions about how much she nurses, how much she eats, her habits...etc. I'm so used to answering this stuff - maybe I should get the answers printed up on business cards and hand them out to save time. They do their thing, and then run off to this mystery awesome doctor that we still haven't met (or know his name). Finally, the doctor comes in about an hour after we initially arrive. He spends all of 5 minutes asking us the same questions, and then asked us how concerned we are about this.

Let me take a second to say that although we're concerned, we're not freaking out about this. My husband actually isn't even concerned yet - she just started this completely new diet, so he's giving her a week to take the calories in and get adjusted to it. I'm a bit more worried than he is, but I've been working hard not to completely lose my mind about it. She's a happy active baby, and apart from her size, there is absolutely nothing wrong with her.

After hearing our answer, he gives us this mean look and crosses his arms, and says that he's "VERY concerned" (because, we're obviously not, even though we did drive 2 hours to see you). He then launches into a quick lecture (remember, 5 minutes of his time is worth more than a week of food for us) about how feeding her 4 or 5 times a day and giving her solid foods once a day is just not cutting it. I'm sorry, but our pediatrician, nutritionist, and home nurse do not think that I'm doing anything wrong to demand-feed her. She cries, and I offer her some food. She does sleep through the night, but she nurses more frequently during the day to make up for it. Some days she nurses 5 times a day for marathon runs, and others she snacks 8 times a day. She's new to this whole solid foods thing, so apart from the allergy concern if we bombard her with an array of foods, she's just plain old not used to it yet. Shoving a spoon down her throat constantly isn't going to help.

Then he goes to criticize us on not having clothes on the baby. We had to strip her to get her weight, and obviously in an INDOORS HEATED environment I'm not going to dress her just so I'll have to undress her again in 5 minutes when the doctor comes in to poke at her. He said that she obviously doesn't have a lot of fat, and he doesn't want to see her outside in a state any close to "that" (that being butt naked except for a diaper). Mind you, I had taken my huge fuzzy blanket with me into the car, and I had it in the stroller too. While we were waiting for him, I nursed her under that, and afterwards I kept it out so she could be wrapped up in it. So obviously, even though I have enough forethought to wrap my child up in a huge twin-size blanket, I guess I'm stupid enough to take my child out in 24º weather in just her diaper.

He wants to see her back in 2 weeks, and basically, if she doesn't gain an ounce a day he's going to admit her to the hospital. The way he was talking about it...it sounded more like a threat. They ended up not taking blood-work or doing anything else except poke at her and talk at to us, so they sent us away with "Nutrition/Discharge Plan Recommendations".

Basically, I'm to feed her solids FOUR times a day (I don't even eat 4 times a day), and mix her cereal with formula. I'm to nurse her on one side for 5 minutes, then switch sides and let her continue there (the theory is that since she's content to just use mommy as a pacifier, we might as well use that situation to our advantage and let her get some extra calories). Oh, and I'm supposed to wake her up at 3:30am to feed her too.

The little princess does not like formula. We've tried mixing her cereal with formula - she hates it and repeatedly turns away. She's fine if we mix it with water, but she just doesn't do formula. When I told the nurse this, the response was that she's a baby, she doesn't know any better, and if I keep shoving the spoon down her throat, eventually she'll like it. Oookaaay....? What happened to let your baby set the rules and don't force her to eat or else she'll hate the food forever?

Obviously, I'm not too happy with the way that this day turned out. I'm not going to lie, I don't like their methods, and I would prefer a doctor with better bedside manners, but it's not like I'm going to shut them out either. But I'm taking it all with a grain of salt. I'm consulting the doctor that spent hours with her and calls me first thing in the morning after her blood-work gets back. I'm getting a second opinion on the feeding "recommendations" from the nutritionist that will MAKE time for our child in her busy schedule. Although we haven't known these people for long, I'm comfortable with them and I feel that genuinely care about us and our child.

Although this is the size of a short story, I just HAVE to get something else off my chest. Hubby's work technically doesn't start until 2:45 pm, but they want him there early for whatever. Our appointment was at 8:30 am, and the estimate they gave us was an hour. We didn't get out of there until 10:45 am. So while we're on the road, he calls them to let them know that he's on his way back, and he should be there by 12:30 pm or 1 pm. Apparently they wanted him to teleport or something, because "on my way back" isn't good enough. It's not as if he was sitting in McDonald's saying "I'll start driving after I finish my chicken nuggets".

And then after he does get in, they tell him that he's not going to anymore appointments. Even though that the next time we head up there, we could very well not come back if they're admitting her. But, military comes before family because we weren't issued in boot camp. I'm not even going to say how outrageous this is. I know that it's a demanding job and all, but let's be serious here. He's not essential to their daily functioning. The world is not going to blow up if he's not there. Although it's not a life-or-death situation, having your 6 month old 10lb baby girl admitted to a hospital in another state is just maybe sort of a big deal. It's not like he's in Iraq and I'm asking them to stage some elaborate mission to pull him out. He's sitting at a desk doing stuff that no one cares about, and all I'm asking for is that he is allowed to be a parent. He's not some anonymous sperm donor, so while you can make the argument that I can drive 2 hours by myself, he has the simply RIGHT to be there.

Just because we're a young family, they think they can take advantage of us. I can't even count on my fingers the times that we've been lied to since we arrived 5 months ago. I'm not some expert on military rules and policies, and honestly I don't care. It's his job, his thing, his passion - not mine. I really don't want to know the ins and outs of how they do random stuff. But by instinct I'm pretty sure it's not too much to ask for him to attend doctor's appointments and be with a hospitalized child. I'm not stupid either. I'm not afraid of your stripes or your shiny buttons on your Halloween costume uniform, and I'm not afraid to use the resources available to me. I'll talk to people, and I WILL find out what their policies and allowances are on issues like this.

My head is spinning a bit, and "grumpy" is an understatement at this point. I have posts for the rest of the week lined up so it won't be a graveyard here, but please cut me some slack if I'm late replying to emails or moderating comments. I'm going to be busy shoving a spoon down my baby's throat force feeding her.