Dear CO of my overworked & underpaid hubby,
'Sup? This is his neglected, abandoned, and much-abused personal secretary (commonly known as "wife"). I am writing to you today because I think I'm missing something. You see, when you handed me my dependent ID, I think you forgot to give me my allotted super powers. Y'know...the super strength so I can lift a sofa, a hutch, a bed, and various other heavy furniture items by myself since you refuse to give my husband the time to do the job. We're doing the best that we can, but since you keep him for all the daylight hours, it's getting a tad bit hard to move heavy furniture in the dark of the night when it's a lovely 10ยบ out and our fingers are freezing off. I regret to inform you that I was born a normal human being who cannot lift a 200lb hutch by herself. It's a shame that I live with on a daily basis. I cry myself to sleep every night over my pathetically weak genetic makeup.
And I still have not received the clone of myself, which I so desperately need because you refuse to give my husband time to otherwise make arrangements for moving his family cross country with just 6 weeks notice. It probably doesn't help that the housing wait list is 8 months old, and we've had to find either a overpriced closet to rent or buy a house. I really don't appreciate you keeping my husband busy with unimportant tasks like sweeping the floor or watching 8 hour marathons of CSI because he's got nothing to do but you just want him around. It's okay to admit it...you're smitten with him. I am too. I want him around constantly too. It's okay...join the fan club. We have t-shirts, and the hats will be in next week.
Anyway, I digress. You've kept him so "busy" that he doesn't even know the address of our new home. Poor fella doesn't even know the kitchen is red. He wouldn't even recognize the house if it was animated like Frosty the Snowman and then proceeded to uncharacteriscally hit him in the nose.
I'd appreciate it if you could send my missing super powers and clones to my house ASAP. Oh, and if could send a little love note over to personal property, I'll be real grateful. See, if they could have just scheduled a household goods move in time, we wouldn't be in this mess. By the way, just a word of advice - if supporting offices (i.e. personal property, housing...etc.) cannot support short notice orders for a permanent change of duty stations...here's a wacky idea...DON'T GIVE SHORT NOTICE ORDERS.
Thanks so much for your time.
Hugs and kisses,
Me.
P.S.: Enjoy the enclosed batch of homemade cookies. Know that I sympathize with the fact that you are a heartless bastard with a heart of stone and no family or other human ties to the pitiful unimportant outside civilian world. So here, have some cookies, and try not to have a heart attack when you finally feel what it is truly like to be human and have someone care.
P.P.S.: i promise i didn't poison them. i promise. taste test them if you don't believe me.
6 comments:
Ah, isn't the military such a joy? >.<
I am so sorry I laughed until my morning soda came out my nose...Why are you moving yourself?? I told my hubby if he ever wanted to do a ditty move get a new wife to go along with the move.
His office has had him on Military travel for 3 weeks out of the month for the last 3 months, and on top of that he told me he was only taking 10 days of leave after the baby is born, I told him if you only take 10 (free leave) when you have 70 on the books don't come home!! I am pretty sure he got the hint and since I am ombudsman maybe I will tell the CO we are both off for the month LOL
You read my mind. I was just sitting here thinking about all the atrocious hours my husband works, yet they could give a rats behind about the family he has at home. My husband isn't in the Military, so I can't relate on that level. But he works for a large company that threatens him every other second to lay him off if he doesn't sign his life over...signed in blood.
I'm sorry your battling this move all by yourself. God Bless you, because I'd have a meltdown. Keep us updated when you can!
Lisa - we're moving by ourselves because personal property couldn't schedule a household goods move in time for us. In order for us to do a household goods move he would have to go there, then come back for us. We did that 7 months ago while moving here, and trust me...it didn't work out. So really, the only viable option left was dity move.
Jessica - I'm sorry that you guys have it bad too. At least his boss doesn't threaten to lay him off. Talk about a double edged sword - you definitely get job security in the military, but instead of threatening to lay people off, they can just threaten to give you crappy work for the next whenever.
I am sorry you guys are having trouble getting moved, really, but that is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. Thanks for the laugh, I am sure it was very theraputic to write it. I wouldn't eat the cookies, that's for sure! LOL
Great post. I was laughing out loud! It was a great way for you to be able to vent your frustrations also. Good luck on the move. I know you can do it!
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